I recently came across this blog tucked away on an old computer, written in a very different season of life, when the children were younger, and stress levels were higher. I laughed out loud reading it. While my days now are filled with family and ministry, this was a reminder that I have always been, and will always remain, wonderfully human.
I am happy to inform everyone that I have been in recovery for quite some time and no longer engage in these amusing behaviors.
So, in the spirit of full disclosure, I present to you… Confessions of a Housewife.
I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.
Now, this is not a seedy lurid tell-all, but a modest attempt to share some insight into the life of a housewife. Oh, not any ordinary housewife, I must admit, but one of a dangerous chocoholic.
No, I am not out of the closet yet, but at the reading of this blog, I imagine I am exposed!
Now, what exactly is a chocoholic? Hmmm, let’s see. It is one who goes food shopping but hides the expensive chocolate bars in her pocketbook so no one else sees them! It is one who takes an extra-long bath with the door locked so she can eat her goodies in secret without interruption. Ah, even writing about it stirs up the craving that only a female could relate to!
My husband tries to understand, but he just can’t. He buys a chocolate bar, eats one square, wraps the bar neatly, and puts it away until another day! What? That is insane! I can’t fathom eating one square and neatly tucking it away. Ah, I take my time savoring every bite, but be reassured, there is no evidence left when done.
Let’s see, for instance, the other night my husband went to the store, and I opened up an ice cream sandwich. I understand it was 9:30 p.m., but it was organic ice cream with no added chemicals, dyes, or junk. Do you hear that justification? That is a sure sign of a chocoholic.
Well, much to my surprise, he came home early, and I knew he would give me a hard time for eating that chocolate ice cream bar, SO I ran upstairs and hid it in my bedroom. Yes, I did. Then I “took my bath,” and as the water was running, I intently ate that bar.
It was in that moment that I knew a blog was in the making titled “Confessions of a Housewife.” How else could I warn husbands that there is an epidemic of housewives turning to chocolate at an accelerated pace? Now, keep in mind my motto is “only if it is good chocolate.” That is a safeguard for me because I can pass by every day, average chocolate without a second thought, BUT oh my, if it is good chocolate, I will remortgage my home. I have told many a person that I will wrestle them for chocolate, and I meant it!
No doubt, many women will go into a panic as I expose our hidden secret, but realize I am doing it for our best interests. A friend who is fully aware of my chocolate addiction gave me a magnet that read . . .“I would give up chocolate, but I am not a quitter!” So there you have it, and I assume Chocoholics Anonymous or the gym will be packed this week.
Eat chocolate and carry on…..